Joke Of The Day!!!!!

[Marion]

Heard this one before, but it still cracks me up!

[jazzieal]

just had to have a blonde joke !!!

One day a blonde lady was shopping..she wandered into a hardware store and was looking around..The clerks sees her and asks if he can help her....well, she said, what is this thing, clerk told her, its a thermos bottle mam...oh she said and what does does it do...well mam, it keeps cold things cold and hot things hot...oh I have to have one of these she says...next day she goes to work and carries her new thermos bottle...her boss (who is also blonde) sees her thermos bottle and asks her what it is...she replies its a thermos bottle and it keeps cold things cold and hot things hot..he looks at her with this amazed look on his face and asks..what have you got in there..she looks at him with a look of sheer joy on her face and replies..."Two popcicles and a cup of coffee"

[Granny]

ROFL!!!!!! I love blonds! Good one, Jazz!

[sacannon]

Good one Jazz!

[mswizard]

Liked that one Jazz!! ROTFLMBO

[Linda]

Oh, laughing is good for the soul and I sure laughed alot with these! Laughing is a great stress reliever! Thanks guys!

[mswizard]

New One

Alice and Frank are Bungee-jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, you know, we could make a lot of money running our own Bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.

So, Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces and comes back up again.

This time, she is bruised and bleeding.

Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine...It was the crowd. What the hell is a pinata?!"

[Granny]

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married!..


The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told
my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a
quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos
= MIDNITE!)


The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him
"Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that
one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said, "Oh shoot.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
tripped over the coffee table and farted."

[rosana brito]

You Wise Person !!!!

Scientific uselessness....

If you to be crying out per 8 years, 7 months and five days, it will have produced energy sonorous enough to heat a CUP of coffee.

The human heart produces pressure enough to gush out the blood for is of the body to a distance of 10 meters.

(Uau)

A cockroach can survive 9 days without its head until dying of hunger.


To beat its head against the wall continuously spends on average 150 calories for the moment.

(It does not try this in house; perhaps in the work)
The flea can jump up to 350 times the length of the proper body. He is as if a man jumped in the distance of a soccer field .

The FISH catfish has gustativas 27 000 more than papilas.

(What it is that can have of so flavorful in the deep one of a river)


The butterflies feel the taste with the feet.

(This I always wanted to know)

The muscle strongest of the body is the language.

(Hmmmmmmmm…)

Dexterous people live 9 years on average more than what the left-handed people.

(And if the person will be ambidextrous)

Elephants are the only animals that do not obtain to jump.

(And it is better that it is thus)

Piss of the cats shines when displayed to the black light.

(And somebody was paid to discover this)

The eye of an ostrich is bigger of what its brain.

(I know people thus)

Star-of - sea does not have brains.

(I know people thus also)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they to start to use the other side, will live more)

[*eng*]

Granny...excellent ....sweet too

[*eng*]

Marion...loved that one...getting your own back hehe

[*eng*]

Wow these are all great ...keep them coming..didn't realise there were so many!

[Marion]

Alice and Frank are Bungee-jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, you know, we could make a lot of money running our own Bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.

So, Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces and comes back up again.

This time, she is bruised and bleeding.

Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine...It was the crowd. What the hell is a pinata?!"

Love it!!!!

[Marion]

Scientific uselessness....

If you to be crying out per 8 years, 7 months and five days, it will have produced energy sonorous enough to heat a CUP of coffee.

The human heart produces pressure enough to gush out the blood for is of the body to a distance of 10 meters.

(Uau)

A cockroach can survive 9 days without its head until dying of hunger.


To beat its head against the wall continuously spends on average 150 calories for the moment.

(It does not try this in house; perhaps in the work)
The flea can jump up to 350 times the length of the proper body. He is as if a man jumped in the distance of a soccer field .

The FISH catfish has gustativas 27 000 more than papilas.

(What it is that can have of so flavorful in the deep one of a river)


The butterflies feel the taste with the feet.

(This I always wanted to know)

The muscle strongest of the body is the language.

(Hmmmmmmmm…)

Dexterous people live 9 years on average more than what the left-handed people.

(And if the person will be ambidextrous)

Elephants are the only animals that do not obtain to jump.

(And it is better that it is thus)

Piss of the cats shines when displayed to the black light.

(And somebody was paid to discover this)

The eye of an ostrich is bigger of what its brain.

(I know people thus)

Star-of - sea does not have brains.

(I know people thus also)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they to start to use the other side, will live more)

These are great Rosana, and your comments are priceless!!!

[jazzieal]

New Supermarket

The new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.